is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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