i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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