The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
