ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
