Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
