I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
