I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
