If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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