Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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