I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
