btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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