he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
MIDGETS
????
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
