My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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