I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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