Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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