He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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