every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
