12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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