I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
