I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
