This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
