You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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