Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
