It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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