her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize