bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
