My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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