woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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