And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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