Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
