The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
