mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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