He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
