She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
