Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
