If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
