While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
