dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
