I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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