life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
