if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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