why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
