Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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