dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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