And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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