Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
