I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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