just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
