put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
