I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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