I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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