During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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